What Am I Doing?

This Thursday I will have been here at college for three weeks, and I'm digging it. Yeah, I just said digging. I love the atmosphere, the people, and the freedom. Last night I got back to my dorm at 4:30 am, and there was no one there to yell at me or ask why I was out so late. It's not like i was doing anything bad anyways, but still. All we did was go bowling, play Never Have I Ever, and somehow we got through a entire game of monopoly. It was nice. The night before I didn't even come home, I fell asleep at my friends and returned at 10 am. Though all this is fun I have jumped off the deep end and become smitten for this sophomore that lives in the same complex. This is where the title "What Am I Doing?" comes from, because I have no idea. I came into college with the mindset that I'd have a fun, carefree freshman year.... well that changed quickly. I did not want any kind of relationship, but I can't help but want one with this guy. He's polite, funny, nice, and has impeccable fashion taste. I know it sounds way to good to be true, but he's real. Though why he would ever like me runs across my mind. Because in my mind no matter how much everyone tells me that they can see us flirting, I just think he's being nice. I'm not good/pretty enough for him. And i'm definitely not his type, but he's not mine either. In fact he is the complete opposite of what I look for in a guy. He doesn't have colored eyes. He doesn't listen to rock/alternative/indie. He isn't six foot tall. But I don't care about that anymore. It's weird I've always had this list, but with him I'm willing to throw that list out the window. It will not matter though. Like I said why would he ever like me, I'm just a mediocre freshman. I'm also pretty sure he knows too, and is too nice to tell me anything, or maybe he knows and just wants to mess with me. He can tease me about the littlest things and my face will become red. Of course he can't just leave it at that, so then he'll say "Awh how cute you're face is red!" Then I'll tell him to stop, but he doesn't. Even my new college best friend has trouble figuring him out. She says "I honestly can't tell if he is flirting or being nice, because he pays you the most attention but it could just him being nice." I don't know, but i do know is that I am just gonna let it play out. I'm not going to over analyze anymore. If it happens.. awesome. If not.. well I'll just get over it. 

- Serena, The Lost College Girl.